Nasiruddin Shah Ratna Pathak Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are known as one of the most enduring couples in Hindi cinema, known for their honesty, mutual respect and enduring partnership. However, long before the two tied the knot in 1982, Nasiruddin had a turbulent first marriage to Purveen Murad (aka Manara Sikri, sister of late actor Surekha Sikri). The couple had a daughter, Heeba, and the veteran actor candidly reflected on this chapter of his life in his autobiography, And Then One Day, admitting to being an emotionally immature husband and an alienated father in his early twenties.The story begins in the late 1960s, when 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah was studying at Aligarh Muslim University and developed a passion for drama. Although his family disapproved of his acting career, Purveen, a 34-year-old college medical intern at the time, became his strongest supporter. Encouraged by a man who believed in his dream, Nasir fell in love despite a 15-year age difference, and the two eventually tied the knot.However, this marriage was resisted by both families. Nasir’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and mother of two, and her family feared the much younger actor might eventually give up on the relationship. To appease them, Nasir even agreed to pay alimony if the marriage ended in divorce, unaware that their relationship would soon begin to sour.A year after getting married, the couple welcomed their daughter Heeba. Instead of strengthening their bond, parenthood exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back on his memoirs, Nasir takes full responsibility for his shortcomings. He wrote: “During her pregnancy, Purven became very moody, and it didn’t help that I had no understanding of the miracles going on inside her and had completely lost track of what was expected of me. This resulted in many serious arguments and I always got the worst outcome. “Looking back on his younger self, the actor admitted that he lacked the emotional maturity to support his wife during her pregnancy.“I simply couldn’t help her in any way to make her feel good about herself. Nor did I find the threshold of sexuality easy to deal with. My attention had begun to wander and began to focus on R, a rather pretty second-year student who had piqued my interest earlier in her role as a prostitute in the NDA’s production of The Threepenny Opera.”By the time Purveen entered the final months of her pregnancy, Nasir was already enrolled in the National School of Drama, where his ambitions increasingly attracted his attention.“For me, without knowing the responsibilities it entailed, the troubles involved in the process, and the indescribable joy it brought, I had no time to enjoy the life I had helped bring about; only my own satisfaction was all that mattered, and nothing else mattered,” he wrote.The actor also admitted that he remained detached from what his wife was going through at the time.“I would occasionally steal some roses from the college garden and take them to Pervan in a bicycle basket. This delighted her, but otherwise I played the role of the obnoxious teenager to perfection. The role of father was way beyond my comprehension.”Although his mother-in-law scolded him and he gradually began helping around the house, including washing dishes, he admits that his emotional distance only deepened.“I slowly began to resent the child who stood between me and the only woman who had ever cared about me; and when the child was finally born, the neglect I displayed still leaves me feeling deeply ashamed decades later.”Four days after Heeba was born, Naseer returned to NSD to avoid losing part of his scholarship by missing classes. While the birth of his daughter briefly improved his relationship with his father, it did little to repair his marriage.“Heeba’s arrival actually kept Baba and I civil to each other for a while, but now the gap with Purveen has widened. Her whole life now revolves around Heeba, and she and I have nothing left to say to each other. The excitement of being on the cusp of a professional acting career ensures that I don’t miss her at all.”Looking back, the actor said his behavior could be explained by his immaturity, although it never made sense.“My indifference towards Heeba can only be explained, although not condoned, by the fact that I myself was an insecure, maladjusted 21-year-old with absolutely no idea how to raise a newborn, and that I was completely evading my responsibilities while foolishly trying to assert my rights as a husband.”As communication with Puwen broke down, the marriage gradually broke down.“According to the King, the only way to treat a wife in this world is with firmness and authority. Unaware of my complete inability to do both, I retreated into a resentful shell. It broke my heart to know that I was no longer the most important thing in Purven’s life.”He also admitted that he had struggled to connect emotionally with his daughter for years.“I don’t know how I would look if I said I didn’t have any feelings for my child Sheba for a long time, but I need to admit it. She didn’t even think about it; it was like she didn’t even exist. “During this time, Nasir had already met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two eventually fell in love but did not marry until 1982 as his divorce from Purveen was still pending. According to the actor, it took several years to reach a separation agreement. In his memoirs, he called Ratner the “only love” of his life.Their relationship also faced opposition early on. Ratna recalled in an interview with Lallantop that both families were skeptical, mainly because showbiz was considered an unstable career.“So, here’s the thing, most importantly, he was an actor. At the time, Nasir often heard, ‘How can a guy with a face like that become an actor?’ Even if you are a great actor, survival in this profession is never guaranteed. It’s a tough life.”
